Advice | Work Advice: Boss has his spouse handle work better left to experts (2024)

Reader: I work at a family-owned company, with about 25 employees, all remote. We make widgets. I am in charge of manufacturing; I have been in this business for about 35 years, at this company for eight years. The CEO/owner has little interest in, or knowledge of, the manufacturing process. He occasionally wants something done that’s simply impossible or incredibly costly, and gets frustrated when I try to explain that to him. I can usually work around it, but lately he’s become increasingly concerned about costs.

All widgets have to be reviewed by a trained widget-checker. Larger places have an in-house person doing this. We outsource it to a firm that does excellent work but is expensive. The CEO wants me to give a lot of the widget-checking work to his wife, who works on various projects here but has little knowledge of widget-checking.

I gave her a few to review and she did a poor job, with little enthusiasm. The CEO thinks his wife can do it and ignores my advice that it takes years to become a good widget-checker. I don’t have time to train her.

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Fortunately, this doesn’t involve health or safety, but it will lead to embarrassment when we send low-quality widgets to our clients. This makes the sales staff furious. Should I just let this happen and let the CEO face the consequences? Push back more? The CEO doesn’t admit his mistakes easily.

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Karla: I’m tempted to say you should let him face the consequences — except that you and everyone else in the splash zone will get scalded as well.

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I also wonder what his wife/employee has to say about being made to fill in on jobs that her husband/boss is too cheap to outsource.

The quickest resolution would be for her to refuse to do this work she’s not good at and doesn’t enjoy. You could nudge that outcome along with diplomatic but relentless feedback until she gets fed up and calls it quits. But that would mean committing time you don’t have to overseeing her, not to mention putting you in the dicey position of critiquing your boss’s spouse.

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A blunter approach would be for you to show your boss examples of poor-quality widgets slipping past his wife’s reviews, and ask him if he is satisfied with that quality going out to clients. But that’s using the boss’s wife to rub his nose in his mistakes, which is another position she doesn’t deserve to be put in.

You may be able to enlist the wife’s aid in convincing her husband that the work he’s assigned her is best left to the experts. Your success there depends on your rapport with her, her ability to navigate her husband’s obstinacy and his willingness to accept business advice from his spouse.

But if you want a solution that doesn’t turn on using the boss’s wife as leverage, you can show the boss the outcome of his poor decisions in cold, hard data while there’s still time to change course.

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You can force that reckoning by collaborating with your marketing and customer service colleagues to gather and present feedback from focus groups and existing clients on professionally reviewed versus substandard widgets.

Denote their dissatisfaction in dollar amounts by calculating the projected cost of replacements, repairs and refunds for dissatisfied clients. Then compare those amounts against the cost of outsourcing to professional widget-checkers who are trained and contractually obligated to ensure that every product meets client expectations.

Your goal is to present the owner with a straightforward either/or scenario: Either we spend $X up front to ensure quality, or we spend $Y afterward to preserve client goodwill.

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Depending on how specialized this widget-checking is, your marketing allies may also be able to research competitor firms, or negotiate with your current vendor, to find an alternative that would appease the boss’s concerns about cost.

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It’s possible that the hard data will show that $X spent on quality assurance exceeds the $Y cost of compensating for substandard work, and the CEO will be content to make that trade-off to save a few bucks. That kind of corner-cutting is shortsighted, but it’s also the kind of unilateral call the owner of a family business is empowered to make.

In that case, it may be time for you to do your own cost-benefit analysis. What do you get from this employer that makes it worth the effort to have to talk him out of harebrained cost-cutting measures? Can you take pride in your work, knowing that your boss has a lower threshold for quality than you do?

Can you find something to respect in a business owner who seems determined to fly that business by the seat of his pants? Do you feel respected as a professional by a boss who thinks his untrained family member is a reasonable substitute for experienced professionals?

Finally, are you accepting some cut corners on your own job satisfaction? Sometimes taking a hard look at the trade-offs we’re making can help us make peace with gnawing dissatisfaction, or spur us to change the terms we’ve accepted.

Advice | Work Advice: Boss has his spouse handle work better left to experts (2024)

FAQs

How to handle working with your spouse? ›

8 tips for couples working together
  1. Develop an appropriate work-life balance. ...
  2. Keep personal issues out of the workplace. ...
  3. Remain fair at work. ...
  4. Practice effective communication. ...
  5. Set boundaries. ...
  6. Avoid always speaking about work. ...
  7. Ask for work advice. ...
  8. Create separate workspaces.
Jun 24, 2022

What to do when your spouse complains about work all the time? ›

Ask her why she complains constantly that she is unhappy. Hear her out. Then, suggest that she either look for another job or choose to highlight the positives in the job she has. Don't compare your jobs during this conversation.

Should you talk to your spouse about work? ›

It is essential for spouses to discuss their work with each other, as the work domain is often a significant part of our lives and can significantly impact our well-being,” says Delia Virga of West University of Timisoara in Romania and the lead author of the paper.

Is it a conflict of interest to work with your spouse? ›

When you reflect on the positions you're hiring for in your own company, you realize that your spouse may fit nicely into a role that you're hiring for that you would directly manage. But this is a conflict of interest — your spouse, and your household, would be directly gaining from your position of power.

What is it called when spouses work together? ›

"Work marriage" appears to be a genuinely caring relationship fostered by the propinquity effect and associated with love-like feelings and possibly limerence. Some "work spouses" admit that while sexual attraction between them is present, it is rarely acted upon, but rather "channeled" into a productive collaboration.

Should I tell my boss about marriage problems? ›

The short answer is yes – usually, it is a good idea. Being honest with your employer builds trust, especially if you 'haven't been yourself' recently. Consider where you are at professionally right now.

Should a husband tell his wife everything? ›

Sharing things with your spouse is essential for intimacy and closeness, but relationship privacy is also important. Being honest with your spouse does not necessarily mean you must share every single thought, dream, fear, or fantasy with this person. In fact, honesty may be a double-edged sword in your marriage.

Is it healthy to have a work spouse? ›

Having a work spouse may also help you feel less lonely or isolated in your workplace. Having this person in your corner means that you have someone who can vouch for your hard work or have your back on a hard day.

Is working with your spouse a good idea? ›

Pro: Couples that have shared experiences often feel a greater sense of connection to one another. To wit, couples that work for the same organization are able to share details about their work lives in a more intimate and understanding way. Con: You may develop the feeling of never being able to escape work.

Are married couples allowed to work together? ›

Generally, companies care if you are in supervisory relationships with each other. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter.

Do couples who work together stay together? ›

Evidence is mounting from sociological research that when both partners dedicate themselves to work and to home life, they reap benefits such as increased economic freedom, a more satisfying relationship, and a lower-than-average chance of divorce.

How do you work on a toxic marriage? ›

These steps can help you turn things around.
  1. Don't dwell on the past. Sure, part of repairing the relationship will likely involve addressing past events. ...
  2. View your partner with compassion. ...
  3. Start therapy. ...
  4. Find support. ...
  5. Practice healthy communication. ...
  6. Be accountable. ...
  7. Heal individually. ...
  8. Hold space for the other's change.

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